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When loading firmware, I get a message like Connecting ....._.....__..... and it eventually times out.
The programming application needs to reboot the ESP32 while gpio.2 is in a low state to put it in bootloader mode. The USB/Serial control pins normally do this on well designed hardware. Some hardware, especially older dev kits, have trouble holding the boot pin in the low state long enough. You might also have circuitry tied to that pin that is holding it in the wrong state.
Most dev kit modules also have a boot button connected to gpio.2. If you hold this down while the ESP32 reboots, then release it it when you see the Connecting .....___. It will usually fix the problem.
Some poorly designed hardware cannot reboot the ESP32. If this is the case you should hold the boot button, click the reset button (often labeled EN) and then release the boot button when you see the Connecting .....___
If the above ideas do not help and you are using a removable module, try programming the module with it removed from the controller.
This is not an issue with our firmware or install scripts. Please don't vent your frustration on us. contact the supplier of your part.